APPENDIX I:
STUDY GUIDE
Download a PDF of this Study Guide
This book is embedded with valuable questions, considerations, advice, and lessons. Get your journal. Go back through the lists. Read the stories closely. Notice and be curious about what resonates. You’ll decide which pieces are relevant to your journey and which are not. The following questions are an additional resource to help you unpack the topics we’ve covered. Mull them over within yourself and maybe also with friends, family, mentors, and your therapist/coach (if you have one). These questions are designed to help you become more familiar with your own self. There are no right answers.
Chapter 1: Adulting (What Exactly Is It?)
What does adulting mean to me?
Who were my role models for adulting when I was growing up, and to what extent do I emulate those people now? Do I want to emulate them or do I not? Regardless of my answer, what’s that about?
When I look at the three components of adulting (wanting to, having to, and learning how), to what extent am I further along, and why, and where do I need a nudge?
What, if anything, is holding me back from wanting to, having to, and learning how to be an adult? What steps can I take to do something about that? If I need help in doing so, where might I find that help?
Chapter 2: Tag, You’re It (The Terror and Joy of Fending for Yourself)
What does fending mean to me?
What emotions arise when I think about having to fend for myself?
Looking at the “Nine Basics of Fending,” which things am I able to handle? In which areas am I less skilled?
Where do I want to grow in this area? What help do I need?
Chapter 3: You’re Not Perfect (You’re Here to Learn and Grow)
What is my relationship with perfectionism? What do I feel the need to prove to others? What am I afraid of? What do I feel the need to control?
How do I feel when “Life’s Beautiful F-Words” (failing, falling, fal- tering, feedback, flailing, floundering, fumbling) happen to me?
When have I taken a learner’s mentality and readily focused on my growth? How did it feel? Can I point to a lesson learned or a strength gained after messing something up?
Looking at the “Thirteen Ways to Learn and Grow at Work,” in what respects am I doing well and where can I grow further?
Chapter 4: Be Good (Unlock a Major Achievement)
What is my definition of good character? Who in my life best exem- plifies good character, and why?
When someone gives my eulogy someday, what do I hope they will say about my character?
If I’m being honest and unafraid to talk about it, when I look at the “‘Sweet Sixteen’ of Good Character,” what do I need to work on?
Is good character compatible with or at odds with my definition of success?
Chapter 5: Stop Pleasing Others (They Have No Idea Who You Are)
Whose plans and expectations are influencing my choices in life?
What are the things that I’m both good at doing and love doing? What kinds of paid work, volunteer work, and hobbies allow me to do those things?
Which of my identities matter most to me, and am I living in a place and working in a space that allows me to freely be that person?
If I was able to listen to my voice, not judge it, and honor what it tells me, what would I change about my life?
Chapter 6: Get Out of Neutral (The Tragedy of Unused Potions)
Where am I stuck, and what do I think is keeping me stuck? What options am I keeping open, and why? What would I gain and lose by opting for each thing? What am I waiting for in order to decide?
Which, if any, of the “Childhood Chickens Coming Home to Roost” show up in my life?
Which of the “Fourteen Things to Do Differently to Move Your Work and Relationships Forward” do I most want to work on?
Where and with whom do I feel at ease, comfortable, and free? Where and with whom do I feel less able to be myself?
Chapter 7: Start Talking to Strangers (Humans Are Key to Your Survival)
With whom do I feel “the delicious feeling of being known”?
What is hardest for me about connecting with other humans?
My most valuable relationships (including weak ties, workplace rela- tionships, neighbors, mentors, friends, and family) are with whom? What can I do to strengthen those ties?
If I am in a partnership, what am I doing or can I start doing to deepen that relationship?
Chapter 8: Money Matters (How to Make It, Keep It, and Make It Work for You)
How do I feel about my relationship with money? To what extent is it hard for me to think about and talk about money, and if it is hard, why is that?
What do I wish I understood better about money?
Is anyone keeping tabs on my money with me? Do I want their involvement or not?
What are my financial concerns and goals? How much more money could I be saving per month right now? What steps can I take to make my money work better for me?
Chapter 9: Take Good Care (of Yourself)
Do I feel like I know my situation in terms of my mental health, physical health, how my brain works, and the environments that challenge me? What more do I want to know in these areas?
Looking at the “Self-Care Checklist,” what are the things I’m good at when it comes to self-care? What things could I be better at?
Who can I talk to about this stuff? Can I ask for help? Why or why not?
What are examples of my resilience?
Chapter 10: How to Cope (When the Shit Hits the Fan)
Who do I admire because of what they’ve been through?
What are the toughest experiences I’ve ever personally dealt with? What did I learn from them? How am I different because of those experiences?
Think about a challenge you’re experiencing right now, and what it means you CAN’T do. Reframe it and ask yourself: What CAN I do?
When times have been really rough, who were the “trusted others” who were there for me? For whom am I a “trusted other”?
Chapter 11: Make Things Better (From Your Town to the World Beyond, Why You Should Try)
Who do I admire for the way they make their part of the world a better place?
What types of injustice do I feel in my bones? What is my “why”?
How do I show up for issues I care about? What can I do to make community or civic involvement a bigger part of my life?
How do I try to motivate others to make things better?
Chapter 12: Unleash Your Superpowers (Mindfulness, Kindness, and Gratitude)
Who do I know that best embodies these superpowers? What can I learn from them?
When I’m mindful, what comes up for me? What do I notice by way of recurring feelings?
What acts of kindness do I enjoy doing?
What am I grateful for right now, specifically?
Chapter 13: Above All Else, Keep Going
You’ve learned a lot about yourself while reading this book. Ask yourself: With whom do I feel safe talking about this stuff? With whom am I afraid to discuss this stuff, and why?
Look back over your young adulthood. What are the big things you’ve learned so far about yourself and your way of being in the world? What can you be proud of? Is there anyone you want to thank for helping you so far?
Look ahead. What are three specific things you want to work on in order to continue to learn and grow? Who will you ask for guidance and assistance here?
What do you think you want from this one wild and precious life of yours? What are you going to do in order to make it happen?